The Elephant In The Room

I haven't been posting. Many reasons. Some easy, some not.

But I need to post about the elephant.

Funny, everyone I know keeps telling me how great his foot looks.

I've told Steve my thoughts. I am sure he thinks I am nuts. That's ok. Isn't the first time. Won't be the last.

I see bad things in Matthew's foot.

He is getting a huge callous on the inside of his left heel. Very odd place to get a callous.

I mentioned this weeks ago to Steve. Being the wonderful ever half full kind of guy he is, said 'maybe he is walking and placing pressure on the inside of his foot.'

Not so odd a statement. E-stim has been doing some amazing things as seen by some previous posts. And, honestly, his mobility in that foot has been really good. Why would I question things?

There are some things that can't lie. The shoe is one. A few months ago, I had to buy all new shoes. They are now worn on the outside. And looking inside, they are torn up on the outside.

What does that mean? In my mind, all bad things.

Today I told Steve (out of ear shot of Matthew) that I was concerned that because of his osteotomy, that bone was being laid down, and causing issues. He said he would take a look and let me know.

His thoughts after were good. (Did I mention that I love Steve?) He doesn't feel any rough boney spots. No tenderness. Felt that his foot felt good mobility wise. Thought that his outward movement was the best ever.

Yay!

But here comes that elephant. If everything is wonderful, why the callous, why the walking on the outside of his foot? I mean, it is not an occasional thing. He is ALWAYS on the outside of that foot. I know, I am the MOM. I will see things there, not there, and almost there. I am concerned. And I am seeing things that shouldn't be.

Matthew's next appointment with Dr Dobbs is June 27. He is due for x-rays to check for leg length discrepancy. I will be asking for an x-ray of his heel.

Looking for that elephant.

Another Day, Another Throat Swab

Poor Matthew. Back to the doctor's office because his last throat swab came back positive for strep. That makes 2 positives in 2 weeks with a week of antibiotics in between. He finished his second round of antibiotics (and by second round I mean second round in as many weeks) yesterday. We find out Friday if this latest swab comes back with strep yet again.

Good news, all other blood work came back normal.

Other good news, we finally have a referral to see an ENT (ear, nose throat) specialist.

Bad news is it could take 2-3 months for an appointment.

This is progress...right?

E-Stim Update (7 months in)

Since buying the E-Stim machine in the fall, Matthew gets E-Stim about 4-5 days a week. I may be biased, but I think we are seeing results. Let me know what you think.

A year ago, before E-stim, this was the flicker that we saw.

This is what we are seeing now.



Did you see him move his foot outwards? Did you see his little toe move independently of the other toes?

And Matthew even surprised himself when he saw his big toe moving independently!



I think the best part is near the end (when Ryan is pointing out toe jam) you can see Matthew's left hand doing what his foot is doing. It takes a lot of concentration for that small movement.

They may seem like small steps, but in this journey, they are big leaps!

Here We Go...Again

Matthew finished his antibiotics on Friday morning.

Saturday morning his throat was sore. By Saturday afternoon, he was fading fast, begging for a nap, then later, begging to go to bed.

Took him to the doctor's this morning, looks very much like strep again, or is that still? His ears are good, but his throat and tonsils are terrible. He is now on yet another round of antibiotics, this time for 10 days.

And finally, he is getting blood work. Testing him for mono, liver function and your regular CBC. Why liver function you ask? Well, for the first time, a doctor checked his abdomen and he is tender, especially around the liver. After reading, Mono can cause a swollen liver...but best to check it out and make sure.

And then there is the nodule on the back of his neck...she wants it watched and looked at again if this round of antibiotics doesn't make it go away.

I hope there is no more blogging on this topic, but I suspect there will be more to come.

Need A Laugh?

Maybe you have seen this already, but I just found this you tube video and had to share it. Cracks me up!

Twin Baby Boys Have A Conversation

Spring Time In Calgary

Here, in Calgary, we ALWAYS get snow in spring. Always.
Don't believe me? Check here for last year May 1.

This is what we woke to this morning.

Yes, that is my ruler measuring the snow.

Yes, that says 19 cm (7 1/2 inches) of snow.

Check out my candle holder!

Should be some great skiing conditions for the weekend. Can't wait to hit the slopes!

Feeling Melancholy Tonight

I logged on tonight to blog about skiing. Instead, the music in the background is sending me other places. Sara McLachlan has a beautiful and haunting voice. And takes me places where I may not want to go.

I wanted to blog about Matthew's skiing. To give those others following a few years behind Matthew's journey some inspiration. That even with the cards he was dealt, that yes, skiing is something he can do. He can ski the green runs and even the blues after only two short seasons. Amazes me that even though he skis without his AFO that he can still make turns both left and right with equality. That even though he favors that right leg, the left at times seems just for balance, that doesn't seem to favor one direction for turning. He can turn just as quickly both left and right.

But Sara has taken me from those wonderful thoughts, back to the doubts, the what ifs. It is not a place I go willingly. Not a place I want to be. I truly believe in making informed choices based on what we know, and no regrets. But sometimes, I sneak back there...begrudgingly.

Maybe it was the email I got from a clubfoot group that had a video of kids being treated from birth by Dr. Ponseti having wonderful outcomes.

Wishing that 8 years ago I had been smarter, more diligent. Less trusting. That I had sought the answers then like I do now. But, then I wonder. Would it had made a difference? Or would we still be sitting here, tonight, at the same point?

Those who know me well, know that one of my mottos in life is no regrets, no second guesses. It is a motto I chose many years ago, but sometimes, in the wee hours, it is hard to live up too.

Sometimes I feel we are breaking new ground. Making trail for those others who are finding themselves on this unique road. Some days it is exciting and wonderful. Others, it is long and laborious. Some days I wish for that easy road.

I know that tomorrow, I will be strong again. I will be ready to face Matthew when he challenges me about wearing his AFO. When he tells me that some one called him 'robot leg', ready to give him the strength he is going to need.

But right now, I don't feel like I have what it takes. But he can't know that. He needs to know that I am strong. That he is strong.

In the words of Sara Mclachlan

'There is always some reason
To not feel good enough,
And it's hard, at the end of the day.'

'And everywhere you turn,
There's vultures and thieves at your back'

And most importantly

'You're in the arms of the angel,
May you find some comfort here.'

Tonight, I am looking for comfort.