Whack-A-Mole

Do you ever feel like your life is one big Whack-A-Mole game?

I dropped Matthew off yesterday afternoon and he did great! He was so happy he wasn't crying that while he was standing in line, he turned around, pointed to his eyes and smiled at me. I was so relieved!

Then, after school, he was to play with his buddy J for a few minutes. He came out of the door happy and turned to wait for his new friend. J came out, went to him mom and said "Can I play with D right now?" Matthew's smile faded and he was so confused. Awww. Poor kid.

Then, after 15 min I had to take him to physio. He lost it. He had a 20 min meltdown in the car on the way. And again on the way home. And again as I was setting the table. And again as food was placed on the table. And again as food was placed on his plate. And again as he attempted to eat.

And, as of last night, the nightmares are back.

Got rid of the stress in one place, only to have it pop up in another. I suppose that was inevitable.

Whack-A-Mole games do end sometime, right?

I love It When A Plan Comes Together

I am thrilled to say things are looking up. And by looking up, I mean good for us. I would think that for most parents, where we are now would still be considered difficult. But we are far from where we have been.

Matthew woke Monday morning sobbing at 7 am. Many tears and protests later, I was able to get through to his teacher before school started. I asked if she could introduce the outdoor supervisor to him at recess. She said no problem. I took him to school and he sobbed and told me he was scared of the bell, of all the kids, of all the kids rushing to the building when the bell went. He sobbed in line until he went through the door.

I fretted all morning. Wondering how it was going, wanting to be a fly on the wall... but only if the news were good.

I picked him up for lunch and he said his morning was good! Then he told me he only cried two times. But, really, it is his perception that counts. He felt it was good, so it was good. We added a sticker to our calender. He said he liked being with the teacher at recess, apparently stuck to her like glue. Again, better then sobbing at the door for 15 min.

I dropped him off for the afternoon and was confronted by the playground supervisor. Apparently adults are NOT allowed on school grounds during the lunch hour without a visitor badge. I apologized and said I was unaware as it was not stated in the handbook. To which she replied (rather curtly I might add) that she in fact had never read the handbook but this is the rule. She was so confrontational that it started Matthew crying, who by the way had at that point gone the longest without crying. So now, I have to stop in the office and get a visitor badge every lunch time.

Dropped him off again sobbing. Kids around looking at him wondering what was wrong. Had to detach him from me to get him to follow the line.

Picked him up after school to another it was good Mommy comment. Again, maybe not the best in some people's eyes, but better then where we were.

The mom of the little boy asked if Matthew wanted to play on the playground afterschool rather then go our house. They did play for a few minutes. That was good, but it was not the connection I was hoping for. I wanted the boys to be one on one. No other kids to distract their play. Better connection that way. But better then nothing.

This morning, there were tears again but his teacher said that he actually played on the playground at recess as she was the supervisor today. Her goal for him is tomorrow to play with a friend for the whole recess. She also mentioned that he seemed to be terrified of the toilet flushing. Yup, that's Matthew.

So, not tear free, not "I love school" but much much better. And better days are coming.

Comfort in a Plan

I've made a plan. I suppose the plan only give me comfort... not Matthew. He only knows that Monday morning means school and has been wracked with stress and tears off and on all weekend. But I have a plan and it empowers me. I will be doing something, rather then sitting back watching my child in agony over what most kids find normal.

I have written a letter to his teacher.

Dear Mrs. ,

As you have noticed, Matthew is feeling very anxious about school. This has been an issue in the past and he is doing better then before. That said, he is still experiencing difficulty and we are trying to come up with some solutions to help with his transition.

Currently, Matthew is finding recess to be especially difficult. He is overwhelmed by the noise and activity. He has told me that he sits on the stairs and cries until the bell rings. I am hoping that with a bit of support, we can make recess more enjoyable and hopefully school less stressful.

He has told me that he is scared without an adult that he knows amongst all the children. I have told him that there are adult supervisors (with the orange vests) outside but he is too anxious to seek them out. I was wondering if it were possible for you to introduce him to one of the supervisors at the start of recess. I am assuming that the supervisors change either daily or weekly, but an introduction to another adult may help him to seek out the supervisor next time.

I have chatted with another Mom of a boy in your class who is also new to the school and is feeling lost. I am trying to get the boys together for a short play date this week to see if both boys could benefit from a friendship. I was wondering if you would be able to encourage that friendship at recess.

We are also working at home to help ease his transition. We talk about school and listen to his fears. He knows that he will not be allowed to stop going to school and that we hold education, schools and teachers in high regards. We stay positive and try to point out the successes he has had already. We are going to start tracking on a calendar when he has a successful morning or afternoon to show him that he is having fun and that each week, hopefully, he will be having more success.

We are also contacting some support people we have used in the past to see if they have any new coping strategies for Matthew to try.

We would be grateful for any suggestions from you as to what else we can be doing at home to help out. Please feel free to contact me at

So Monday morning at 7:55 am I am going to call the school and see if I can talk with his teacher. Failing that (or maybe just because) I will send the letter onwards to her.

I am also going to try to talk to the other boy's mom and see if he can come over Monday afterschool.

I am also going to call his o/t from last yr and see if he has any suggestions. If he can help, we would gladly pay for private sessions. I have searched for pressure shirts (deep pressure vests, weighted vests and compression shirts) with little luck. I am going to ask if the o/t has any leads.

I am also going to call his psychologist from last year and see what she can offer.

I feel better. Unfortunately, Matthew, does not.

Let's Celebrate!

No, not because it is Friday and the sun is supposed to shine all weekend (although around here that in itself is worth a celebration), but because of something more monumental.

Matthew has sensory issues. I wouldn't call it full blown sensory processing disorder, but he definitely has his sensitivities and would score rather high in some areas such as auditory, smell, and tactile. I blogged about an incident here if you didn't see it.

Last year, he worked once a week with an O/T and was in regular contact with a child psychiatrist. We were all working on reducing his hypersensitivities to tactile stimulus. Brushing teeth was a nightmare in the past...don't even think about toothpaste. We were able to conquer that one. Yay!

But the wiping after a bowl movement has alluded us. Been working on that one for about 1 1/2 yrs. Won't even start to address the smell that makes him retch but the sound of the bathroom fan makes him scream. Oiy.

Just before casting started at the end of March, we had gotten to the point where he would wipe (only with me present and only with loud protests) and then I was to check and make sure it was completely clean. Then, he refused to dress until he had seen that it was clean. I took away hand mirrors to stop it but then he just climbed on the counter and looked with the bathroom mirror. Crafty little kid.

When he was casted, it was awkward to sit with the cast, then he injured his finger on his right hand. We were back to square one. Since he got the cast off 3 weeks ago, I have been working (aka fighting) with him to start again.

Which brings us to today. I sent them upstairs to dress and brush teeth for school. Matthew said he had to poop and up he went. He came down about 10 minutes later dressed and ready for school.

"Are you ready for school? Did you brush your teeth?"

"yes Mommy. I just need my brace and stretches."

"I thought you had to poop?"

He said so casually "I did Mommy."

I swear I heard angels singing. Either that or it was Ryan yelling for his socks.

He did it. He wiped all by himself. Without me in the room. Without me passing him the wipes. Without him complaining and yelling about it. Without me having to check after. Without me... at all!

I gave him a huge hug and told him I was so proud of him. And with that grin, you could tell he was proud too.

Celebration to commence after school. Perhaps a bowl of ice cream on the deck followed by a game of water balloon tag. And maybe, a glass of frozen margarita for me.

Sensory Processing Disorder

When Matthew was little we said he was colicky. From the day he was born, he SCREAMED 24-7, and continued for the first 4 1/2 m of his life.

When he settled a bit, I did some reading and decided that Matthew was a spirited child.

When he was a bit older, I did some more reading and decided he was a spirited toddler.

When he was even older, I read a book called Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka and cried when I read the case studies, this was my child.

Then we started Matthew in preschool. He had a lot of issues and needed a full time aid to keep him from running out of the building and working with him to get him involved. The first day, after 5 min of observation, the coordinator asked me if he had Sensory Processing Disorder. It was the first I had heard of it.

Looking back it made sense. To name a few, loud sounds would send Matthew screaming and crying from a room, often taking cover under his crib or behind the rocking chair in his room. He still covers his ears when Happy Birthday is sung. He never liked to finger paint. Ever. Would not touch his fingers to it.

I don't think Matthew has full blown Sensory Processing Disorder, but he definitely tests on the high side of normal and it sure explains a lot. Thankfully, he was able to work with an O/T once a week all last year to help him out. It did wonders for him.

Which takes me to this morning.

Matthew was dressed and we were going to head out the door for school when he went to the bathroom, yet again. I followed him and he was washing his hands, again.

"Mommy, my hands stink and I can't get rid of the smell." Wash, wash, wash.

He leaned over for more soap.

"MOMMY! It's my shirt! It stinks!"

I smell it, nothing and I tell him that.

"MOMMY! You don't know but it STINKS!!!!!" Meltdown eminent in 5...4...3...2...

"Let's change your shirt." Meltdown on hold...

New shirt still stinks according to my sensory child. We decided that maybe some of Daddy's cologne will help. It manages to fool him for a few minutes until we are getting boots and jackets on.

"Mommy! Now my mitts stink! And my jacket!"

I push them out the door, the icy cold air stops his complaint for the moment.

Now we are in the van driving.

"Mommy! Now my hat stinks!" Off comes the hat. "And my mitts!" Off come the mitts.

"Matthew, it is really cold, you need those on."

Meltdown commences. Screaming, tears, kicking feet, flailing of the arms. Then a split second of silence before I hear at the top of his lungs "MOMMY!!!! THE AIR STINKS!!!" Followed by retching sounds. Gosh, I thought he was going to make himself throw up at the thought of the smell.

All of a sudden my brain kicked in and I remembered the words of a friend (Thanks Lisa) 'Gum works well for sensory kids'

I pass Matthew a piece of gum. He chews. He settles.

He was calm by the time I pulled into the parking lot. He ran into class and started his day like nothing had ever happened.

Until the next time...

Now you have an understanding as to why I am worried about a full leg cast for 6 weeks.