From time to time I have others tell me that I seem to be very organized or that I have it all together. I almost always reply "It is all an illusion."
To me, life is like juggling, only I can never keep all the balls in the air at the same time. Usually it is the 'house' ball that I can't keep up with. I am forever digging out of mess, laundry, groceries, menu planning, cooking. But lately, it seems I have dropped the 'Jo-Ann' ball. It fell weeks ago and rolled somewhere, lost for now.
Maybe part of the problem is my thinking. Lately I have been thinking a lot about just how long we have been at this foot issue. March 16 marked six years of the secondary diagnosis of nerve damage. Seven years now with no end in sight yet. Seven years of doctor appointments, casts, surgeries, AFO's, p/t, fights to wear said AFO, fights to go to said doctor appointments. Will there be more casts? Most likely. Will there be more surgeries? Possibly. Will there be more AFO's, p/t and doctors appointments? Definitely years of that to come. Some days that weighs heavily. I need to stop letting it do that.
Maybe I've had too much on my plate these days. Lot's of important decisions to be made. Questions to be asked and explored.
Maybe this is how most people feel. Maybe there are many other illusionists out there, struggling to keep all the balls in the air.
I think I need to go and find that lost ball. I'm just not that happy right now with it gone.
To my fellow illusionists out there, you know what that means. I'm going to have to drop something else for awhile. But that's ok. As long as it looks good from the outside...right?
tucked away on a mountain side
5 weeks ago