Thursday, March 25, 2010

It's All An Illusion

From time to time I have others tell me that I seem to be very organized or that I have it all together. I almost always reply "It is all an illusion."

To me, life is like juggling, only I can never keep all the balls in the air at the same time. Usually it is the 'house' ball that I can't keep up with. I am forever digging out of mess, laundry, groceries, menu planning, cooking. But lately, it seems I have dropped the 'Jo-Ann' ball. It fell weeks ago and rolled somewhere, lost for now.

Maybe part of the problem is my thinking. Lately I have been thinking a lot about just how long we have been at this foot issue. March 16 marked six years of the secondary diagnosis of nerve damage. Seven years now with no end in sight yet. Seven years of doctor appointments, casts, surgeries, AFO's, p/t, fights to wear said AFO, fights to go to said doctor appointments. Will there be more casts? Most likely. Will there be more surgeries? Possibly. Will there be more AFO's, p/t and doctors appointments? Definitely years of that to come. Some days that weighs heavily. I need to stop letting it do that.

Maybe I've had too much on my plate these days. Lot's of important decisions to be made. Questions to be asked and explored.

Maybe this is how most people feel. Maybe there are many other illusionists out there, struggling to keep all the balls in the air.

I think I need to go and find that lost ball. I'm just not that happy right now with it gone.

To my fellow illusionists out there, you know what that means. I'm going to have to drop something else for awhile. But that's ok. As long as it looks good from the outside...right?


Jennifer said...

{hugs} I know we hear it all the time but, You have to care for yourself.... the rest of the 'balls' depend on it. Although I also understand that taking care of yourself is also the hardest to do. Remember Jo-Ann, you have friends here to help in anyway we can. Hope you find that ball, and make it feel as wonderful and special as you are!

Allie said...


Michelle said...

As a fellow illusionist - I know (somewhat) how you feel. While I don't know you personally, I know that you are a great mom and that you are doing all you can for your children. Hang in there.

Mama J. said...

To hell with what things look like from the outside.

Find the Jo-Ann ball and hold it close... unless you take good care of that one special ball, you won't be juggling anything.

You know that I get what you are saying.

Love and light, Mama.


Niki said...

oh man i know just how you feel! good for you for putting it all out there! kinda like step one in letting it hang a little loose. what's step 2? when you figure it out, let me know :)

signing off,
sunshine state illusionist :)

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