Friday, January 8, 2010

Forget Love Is Blind

They say love is blind and yes, I do believe that. My husband and I have been married for over 16 years now. Without being blind to some things, we would not have stayed together for so long. And I mean that in a good way AND that it goes both ways.

But, after 16 years, I am ready for one more thing.

My husband snores. Not terribly, but he snores. And it is loudest when he first falls asleep.

And he has the most amazing ability to fall asleep 8 minutes after his head hits the pillow.

I am a recovering insomniac. I have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. My brain just never shuts down. So, I lay awake for an hour, or two or more listening to him snore, trying to fall asleep. I jiggle him, tickle his feet, tap his shoulder, all those things to try and get him to stop snoring. It helps for about a minute, but he also has the ability to snore on his back or his side.

Last night, I tried some lavender soaked stones beside my bed. They are supposed to help you fall asleep sooner. I thought maybe, just maybe I can fall asleep first, or at least sooner.

They worked. My husband was asleep in a record 4 minutes. AND he must have been in a deep sleep, he snored louder then ever. After 15 min, I tapped his shoulder.

"Was I snoring? Already?"


"That can't be, I was just thinking"

And off to sleep he went, snoring all the way.

So, after 16 years of marriage, I have enjoyed love being blind, but now I am ready for love to be deaf.


Jesslikesstuff said...

Hi! OK, partner snores as well. I lost a year of sleep to it while we were dating and then insisted that he visit a sleep clinic. Turns out he has a mild case of sleep apnea. Apparently very common in men. And very manageable. He sleeps with one of those machines on his face that not only eliminates snoring, but allows him to have a better night's sleep. The fact that your husband falls asleep so quickly COULD be indicitve of apnea. Sorry to jump on a diagnosis (i'm certainly no doctor!), I just know the pains of sleeping next to a snorer. My dad had apnea too and my mom lived with it for years (being too shy to speak up!) before he sought diagnosis himself.

Anyways, you can get a referal to a sleep clinic through your family doctor. Even if it's not apnea snoring there COULD be an underlying cause of the snoring and it could be something super simple to manage...can't hurt to look into it. I know that his snoring almost ended our relationship. A human being NEEDS can you function without it?! Anyways, please don't be offended by my forwardness. I'm just passionate about snoring, since it was such a big part of my life and since I know that (for the most part) it's curable/manageable.

Please let me know how it goes!!! Sleep well...zzzzzzzzzzzz!

Jo-Ann said...

Not offended at all. I hadn't thought about it being a medical issue. It has just gotten worse lately and been getting on my nerves.

So quick falling asleep could be a symptom? Interesting.

I think I may get him to book an appointment. Thanks for the info!

Sue said...

Jo-Ann, the more we share our blog stories, the more similarities I see! Holy cow, this one hit the bulls-eye (and I see I'm not alone!) ... and boy, do I hate it! The thing is, I'm a deep sleeper (well, at least I WAS before I had kids -- now I hear every little noise) and my husband can still wake the proverbial dead. It's horrible ... and he knows it.

About 4 years ago I couldn't take it anymore, so I asked him ("asked" ... yeah right ... try, COMMANDED) to see a doctor. ENT, I guess. Don had his nose broken when he was 2, and he's been living with a deviated septum all his life since then. "That's what it is," said the doctor. So Don had surgery (ugh ... NEVER suggest your husband have surgery -- the fallout isn't worth it!) and it didn't work. At all. Any other ideas, O Wise Doctor? Well, it could be his weight (could definitely shed a few pounds) or he could benefit from surgery to shave his tongue (nasty) ...

I've wondered about sleep apnea too. There have been times when I would lie there awake, hear the snoring, and then there would be silence for quite some time, as if he was holding his breath. Then, a big "whoooosh" as he let it out ... snore ... snore ... Lovely pattern. Never had it tested, though. And I never knew that falling asleep quickly could be a symptom. That is definitely the case.

My solution, dear suffering kindred spirit? Ear plugs. Seriously. I've been wearing them for years and I SLEEP GREAT. The only problem is that I can't hear the kids if they wake up crying or whatever. Ahhhh, but there's the victory -- Don hears them and gets up! :) A win-win for me!

Oh, and I also try to make sure I go to sleep before he does. His new job often finds him having to work a bit at night, and I've been so stinking tired lately (the weather, I think -- plus, I'm a MOM and that says it all) that I hit the sack quite early. If I fall asleep before him, then it's even better. But even if I don't ... ear plugs work great.

That was a blog post in and of itself! :) Hope some of that helps a bit -- if nothing else, know you're not alone! And if you DO pursue this and find some answers, post it -- maybe it'll help some of us other suffering wives too! :)

Good luck!!

Jenn M said...

Sleep apnea.

Sal has that and he wears a fancy dancy appliance that opens stuff (not a doctor, nor do I play one on tv - so I don't know the correct name ;)) that works really well.

BTW he was able to fall asleep in a very very short amount of time - this hasn't changed much. The only thing has changed is my thinking while pondering his fateful demise.. "If I just put the pillow over his head for X minutes I wouldn't have this problem tomorrow night" lol.

Sara said...

I am all for love being deaf as well. I can't remember the last time I slept through the night. I'm a light sleeper so the snoring does keep me up. And even if he doesn't snore, I lay waiting for it. Torture. lol

Bethany said...

Hi JoAnn!

You can definitely add me to your blog list :) Ella is doing fantastic, although the first couple of days are rough after the new casts each week. She is not scheduled for a surgery as of yet, but I know they are planning on clipping the heel cord in a few weeks. The doctor says that she has made tremendous progress up to this point, so we are very thankful for that.

I know she will go into the shoes after the casting, but not sure which kind! I will have to do some research on the shoe that you mentioned to me. I hope for the best with your son and his journey with his feet.

Thankful to have met you in the blogging world!!

"The Leengrams" said...

Hi Jo-Ann! You left a comment on my blog the other day asking if you could put a link from your blog to mine. You are certainly more than welcome to provide the link - and I'm looking forward to exploring your blog!

Amber said...

Sounds like my marriage bed as well. Him: Falls asleep in 4 seconds. Me: Lays awake for hours listening to the snoring.

It got better here for awhile after he lost a bunch of weight, but lately it has been bad again. Lucky for me, he is the light sleeper and I am the deep sleeper so once I get to sleep, I stay that way until morning and he gets up with the kids in the night. :)

Kelly and Nate Wright said...

Hi Jo-Ann!

Thanks for your note on my blog! That's fine if you want to add it to your blog roll, I don't mind.

Good luck with your boy's feet!