At A Loss...

I think I have hit the wall. I am at a loss. What I am doing is not working.

Matthew started first grade yesterday. We knew this would be hard. It has been tough for the past three years. Ok, nothing about Matthew is easy... been tough for 6 yrs now.

We noticed Matthew had difficulty in organized activities when he was three. Decided to put him into preschool just before he turned four to help socialize him. It was a disaster. We had to pull him. He was escaping the room and the teacher could not spend 100% of her time with him.

We tried more organized activities. Had to pull him from swimming. Had to stand beside him in gymnastics. Had to have him on my knee for almost the entire soccer season.

We tried preschool again, five days a week, this time aided with a child psychologist, full time aid (to stop him from running out of the building), o/t and speech therapist. He hid under the piano bench and cried every day until January. Then things started to click and got better.

The next year, he improved and did well in a small kindergarten setting (10 kids, teacher and an aid). Still had some anxiety, but better.

Now, this year, he is in a regular school. The noise and activity on the playground overwhelm him. He is not staying for lunch because the noise in the gym terrifies him.

He is sobbing first thing in the morning when I take him. He is sobbing at his desk through out the day. He has an upset tummy during recess and sits at the door to the school. He is sobbing when the bell goes to go back into school at lunchtime. And he is saying constantly, "I hate school".

I tell him he is brave. Brave around here means that even though you are scared, you do things anyways. Started that mantra before his last surgery. I stay positive. I tell him he has to go. I reward him for going. I talk about how great it will be to have friends in the neighborhood.

He told me he was going to lick the ant poison off the patio so he will be sick and can't go to school.

Please let this get better.