I'd be lying if I said I was doing better today. I'm not. I am in a real funk. I was hoping that over night I would have some insight and perspective but I don't.
Maybe it is because this massive surgery was less then a yr ago and to find out that it is not working and to hear surgery again makes me second guess everything. Maybe we should have held off on the surgery. Maybe we should have gotten a second opinion. Maybe we should have just botoxed again and waited. My gut feeling on what should be done is gone. I'm lost and feel like I have failed him in many ways.
I just want another adult here with me for a few days. Hubby doesn;t fit that bill. He wouldn;t take time off work, and when he is home, he has his own priorities. I guess he is used to me being able to handle it all. Guess I am going to have to give myself a big kick in the ass and pick myself up. Hubby is off hunting for the weekend, going to need to do it soon.
And what makes things worse is I know deep down that so many have it far worse and I should be happy for what I have. But I can't, which makes me feel so selfish and weak when I need to be strong for him and for our family.
Boy, this comes off as a feel sorry for me post. Not my intent. Just need to get my feelings out, hopefully that can start me on the right path so I can be who I need to be for my family.
My Colectomy - Day Two
1 week ago