Wednesday, February 13, 2008


I truely believe in visualization. Been into it since I was in high school and coaching gymnastics. I found that often seeing it happen in my head helped make it through things that are hard. Take the 3 yrs of infertility and 3 losses. I kept visualizing in my head a picture of hubby walking away from me with his hand on the shoulder of a small boned, thin, blonde boy in a greeen shirt. It wasn't until Matthew was about 3 yrs old that I realized that all those yrs of visualizing, it was Matthew all along. (Btw, the boys favorite color has been green since the day he could say green)

So today I called upon visualization yet again.

The boys and I were at the children's again today. I had this appt for Matthew back before the surgery, but choose to keep it, just in case. Decided I would have the surgeon look at the damp spot on the cast as well as help me out with the callous/wart (wasn;t sure what it was, but it was hurting Matthew).

We arrived and Matthew was very agitated. No doubt. Poor kid has been through a lot. We were in the waiting room when he was angry at not being able to play with something. He hit me in the face and sent my glasses flying. I am sure that my ears will be burning for the next few days as the parents sitting there watching probably thought this kid was the worst behaved one they have seen. It is the reason why I try not to pass judgement on seeing a short interaction of parents and kids... but I digress.

Dr. K was so pleased with Matthew's progress. Couldn't believe that he could jump and run so well just 3 weeks 1 day after his surgery. So he decided to do a cast change and rotate his foot outwards and upwards. Take advantage of how well he is doing.

So onward to Margo we go. She went to cut the cast off and Matthew started screaming and yelled "Don't cut my foot! Don't cut my foot!" He was almost hysterical. Margo had casted him all last spring. She said to me "He is acting perfectly normal for some one who has been through so much" Luckily, the cast room was empty. They closed the glass doors and even pulled the curtains.

Once the cast was off, he freaked out even more at seeing where the inscisions are. They are numerous, and the one in his arch goes from his toes to his heel in a half moon.

Once the recasting started, it really got hard. His tender little healing muscles and tendons were stretched out just as they were starting to feel good. Matthew screamed. And screamed. And screamed. I held him and visualized. I saw him running through the fall grass. No cast. No AFO. Just bare skin on cool wet grass. Running straight, running free. And laughing.

After his cast was dry, he was still sobbing and crying hard. I picked him up, gathered the old cast (he wanted it), the rocker shoe and Ryan's hand and walked out. He cried and cried and cried. Got to the parking machine, fumbled a bit but was able to get out the ticket and money. Got to the van.

The whole drive home, he cried and yelled "I want to go home! Owwiieeeeeeee I want to go home Oweeieeeee" I kept that sight of him running through the grass in my mind.

Now I know why Dr. K wanted to do the first cast change in the OR.

Once we were home, he got some codeine and a Batman cartoon. He settled really quickly and was even stepping on the new cast by the evening. Tomorrow should be a good day.

The next cast change is going to be March 5. I am not looking forward to it, but will keep that vision in my mind.

I am having a few glasses of wine tonight. I think I deserve it.

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